A Vacation Update

Vacation has been fantastic for me so far. During our long drives and at night when it's quiet, I've had a lot of time to chat with M and to help her understand even more clearly what being a sissy means to me. Don't get me wrong, we talk all the time. But on this vacation it just seems different. Like it's somehow more focused. When I first broached the topic with her oh so long ago, she was very accepting. But I don't think she really internalized what exactly it meant and everything it entailed. As we move forward, I think the picture is becoming more clear for her, and (thank God), she's still as accepting as she ever was.

When I first "came out" as a sissy to M, the physical manifestations included only dressing in sissy things and keeping my clitty locked up. But I knew then as I know now that being a real sissy is much more than that. The physical manifestations at the time aligned with my mindset, which was very stress-reducing. But at the same time, I knew then - as I know now - that there's so much more I crave. So much more I need to validate my self image.

As we progressed a bit, our bedroom play became more explicit, and M began to occasionally fuck me with a strap on. I wanted it, I love it, and I (frankly) would love for her to do it a LOT more... I love how it feels when that cock first penetrates me then begins pushing into me. At the beginning of this year, she began seeing a MAN (James) to fulfill her sexual needs, since there's no way that I could satisfy her as a man. The way I make love with M changed to where I only make love with her like a girl would (although M has told me quite emphatically that she's NOT a lesbian). I think these changes helped her to see me as a sissy more clearly as she began comparing James as a man to me as something else.

M's interlude with James lasted several months. I'm happy that it ended because I think M's current lover Allen is a far better fit for her (and honestly, for me too). But the time M spent with James was also important in helping M see me as a sissy gurl because she saw me with James' cock in my mouth (YUMMY)! My only regret about James is that I only got to suck his cock once, and I never had a real opportunity to get him to cum in my mouth. On the continuum of sissy progression, that's probably one of the more important milestones I think.

As a sissy, I've always KNOWN that I would love to have a man's cock in my mouth and that I'd love to please him so much that he would cum uncontrollably and fill my mouth with his "mancandy." I've also known in my own head that - as a sissy gurl - I wanted to be able to suck a man's cock frequently, and that I wanted M to not only watch, but to also encourage it, to approve, and to compliment me when I do a good job. And, of course, I want to see that look of utter bliss on his face as I'm sucking his cock, and his look of approval as I'm gently cleaning his cock after he fills my mouth with his cum.

Unfortunately, M's current lover Allen doesn't yet know that I'm a sissy. He obviously knows that my clitty is locked up and that I wear panties (because M told him previously and he saw both last Saturday). But that's the extent of it. What's worse (from my perspective) is that he believes that M keeps me in panties as a way to humiliate me... If he only knew (big smile) that there's no humiliation involved! At some point, perhaps the next time I am allowed to be there with them, M may tell him that she wants me to wear more girly things to "humiliate me more." Allen will probably agree to this because of the humiliation aspect. Regardless, if it happens that way, it will give me an opportunity to wear more of my sissy things in front of a man...

But what I really want - what I really, really, really want - is to be on my submissive sissy knees wearing my full sissy ensemble with Allen's cock in my mouth. When M sucked his cock last Saturday, I was incredibly aroused, but at the same time incredibly jealous. Allen has a really yummy-looking cock and my mouth waters at the thought of feeling that glorious man-wood thrusting into my mouth.

It was really, really easy for me to find inspirational pictures to accompany today's post, I had an incredible selection to choose from. So here are a few of my favorites. I absolutely love them and think about them all the time.

While I LOVE all of these pictures, these next two are undoubtedly my favorites. The first because it presents the look I KNOW will be on my face as I kneel submissively in front of him and worship his cock.

And this one tops my personal list... By far... This is the essence of who I am. Who I want to be as a sissy gurl. That moment of moments as all the pleasure I've given him is rewarded. His ultimate approval of what I've done. That miraculous instant when he begins to cum uncontrollably into my mouth and I know - I know in my deepest recesses - that I AM A SISSY... This picture is my daily inspiration. I've printed it and carry it with me. I look at it surreptitiously throughout the day... Every day. The caption is a great one, but the picture... OH MY the picture...