Sometimes I Feel So...

Ever since I can remember, I pictured this.

Then I made it my reality, and I felt incredible. The more feminine the lingerie, the better I felt. The more "right" I felt...

Years later, I'm at the point in my life where I don't wake up every morning and think to myself "I am a sissy gurl." Intellectually, I know I am, but I think it's more like I don't think to myself about how tall I am, or how much I weigh, or what color my eyes are. As with all those things, my being a sissy is just a fact of my life. It's who I am. I don't explicitly think to myself "today I feel like a sissy so I'll wear panties." I just put them on every day because to NOT put them on would make me feel weird.

But some days are different...

A LOT different...

Like today...

I wake up feeling incredible and have the most amazing, explicit vision of myself in my head. I see myself as I feel myself to be... If that makes sense!

This morning when I woke up (early as usual), I felt that way. I felt incredibly "sissy." I had this crystal-clear, mental picture of myself as a sissy that was overwhelming, and the intensity of the accompanying emotions made me feel fantastic all over.

It was several more hours before M woke up and came downstairs for her breakfast. When she did, I had to share how I felt with her. I felt like I was bursting with the emotion of it all and had to get it out. M has a busy day in front of her today - a half-day at work, then she's off to see an IMAX movie with one of the kids this evening. But when I told her how I was feeling, she smiled her Mona Lisa smile at me, and I immediately had the most incredible daydream...

I've got this sense that perhaps my daydream will turn into reality later tonight...

Yes...

Oh YES!

But I've still got this vision of myself in my head. It's now more than six hours since I woke up this morning, and I keep picturing myself all soft, completely smooth, and wearing my sexiest lingerie. I keep picturing myself as the sissy gurl I am, in front of a man, pleasing him the way I really, truly want to... It's something I've done several times now with M's boyfriends, and I keep remembering how it made me feel.

So warm...

So natural...

So "right."

Knowing how it makes me feel, I wish I could be doing this today...

Life Has Such Challenges

I feel bad for M...

I really feel bad.

This picture (disregarding the caption) illustrates M's week... She was supposed to have a date with Allen on Wednesday, and - after not seeing him for a while - was all worked up as she thought about her time with him. As last weekend came to a close, I could see her anticipation growing day by day. Tuesday evening rolled around and she was like a cat on a hot tin roof... It seemed like she couldn't sit still for all of her excitement.

Then on Wednesday morning when I was at work, I got a text message from her telling me that he had to cancel at the last minute. Seems like things were crazy at work and he wouldn't be able to sneak out as he had planned.

Damn!

 So she spent her time puttering around the house, trying (and failing I think) to come down from the emotional "high" she had worked herself into. Even after I got home, she was still excited, and she spent a lot of time texting with him on and off all evening long... She was still texting him when I finally fell asleep.

In my mind, I wonder if she played with herself after I fell asleep. I know she's done that before - she's told me that she has.

Thursday was another weird day. We've had a lot of rain this week, and things were wet all over. The rain let up on Wednesday evening, and Thursday looked like a good day for her to take the dog for a nice, long walk during the day.

As on Wednesday, I get this text while at work... "I'm back from the walk, but I slipped and fell. Fortunately the dog didn't run off while I was on the ground..." It wasn't until later when I got home that I learned tat the reality was a lot worse than her text made it seem. There's this local park with a nice walking trail where M likes to take the dog. There are long stretches of the trail that have a raised wooden "boardwalk." You can see where this is going, right? With all the rain we've had, the wood got very wet. And when the rain stopped, the wood got really slick. M was watching the dog, and not where she was putting her feet. Of course, she slipped. Of course she took a HARD fall. Trashed her knee and her hip. Let go of the leash when she fell. But the dog didn't run off (as he likes to do whenever he can). 

When she was getting ready for bed, I saw just how bad it really was... A huge bruise on her hip - it looked like her whole hip was yellow and purple. And she told me that after she picked herself up, she had to struggle for close to two miles to get back to her car. In pain the whole way. With a rambunctious dog... Who took advantage of the situation by finding another dog's poop and rolling around in it... So M had to completely wash the dog when she got home.

Even today, days later, she's in pain. I feel so bad for her... Sometimes things just go to Hell in an handbasket. And of course, with her hip in such pain, she doesn't even want me to snuggle between her legs and gently lick her - that's how I know how much pain she's REALLY in!

Communication with Allen

M is out on her date with Allen even as I sit here writing this. About 15 minutes ago, he sent me a selfie of him holding her from her phone. An incredible smile on her face. Then about 5 minutes ago, he sent me another selfie of her sucking his cock with the simple caption "I  love how your wife sucks my cock."

I have this feeling that I'll be getting a number of text messages over the next couple of hours.

They don't normally send a lot of messages to me during their time together. Occasionally one or two, but nothing like I think today will be like.

I can hardly wait!

And I somehow think that this will be me in a few hours. YUMMY!

M Has a Date with Allen Today, and I'm Incredibly Excited!

So M has a date with Allen this afternoon.

I'm not sure who is more excited - her or me.

For some, it might seem odd for me to say that when M has her dates with Allen, and when she returns home with this incredible smile on her face afterward, it is - to me - a validation of my "sissyhood." The reinforcement of who I am and what I am. Knowing that he has given her more pleasure than I ever did when I pretended to be a man, and then seeing that pleasure on her face when she gets home.

A most incredible feeling for me.

At my request last night, M spent a lot of time rubbing my titties and pinching my nipples. She then spent time sucking on them, with occasional breaks to remind me about her date today and how she was looking forward to it. Every time she plays with my nipples, I feel the most incredible sensations and my clitty immediately begins dripping.

Not sure if I ever mentioned this, but I have two clitty cages - a stainless steel Mature Metal Jailbird that I used to wear all the time, and a more-recently-acquired pink Holy Trainer. While I always felt that the Holy Trainer was more comfortable, M didn't like me to wear it because the tube didn't allow good airflow and didn't allow for easy and thorough daily cleaning without taking it off. And M definitely didn't want to take it off! With my change in position, I found myself in a quandry - for various reasons, it would have been problematic for me to wear a stainless steel clitty cage at work, so it looked like the Holy Trainer was the right choice.

Being rather adept at problem-solving, and given that I have plenty of tools at home, I found myself in my workshop the other day with a router and a quarter-inch router bit. A bit of very careful measuring and marking on the tube with an indelible marker, and some very, very careful work with the router, and I had in my hands my "new and improved" Holy Trainer Mod 1 with a series of quarter-inch slots in it. Voila. Airflow and cleaning issues solved. M was thrilled and immediately unlocked my Jailbird and replaced it with the modified Holy Trainer.

So because I haven't done this for a while, and because I really feel like sharing, here are a couple of pictures that capture rather well the look on M's face when she's with Allen and when she gets home from her dates with him. This is what I'll be seeing a bit later today, and the thought is intensely exciting for me.

And Now, to Continue Our Story...

Yes, I keep track of these things...

This morning, when M came downstairs, I said "Happy Anniversary" to her.

"What anniversary?" she asked, looking over at me with a puzzled look on her face. No, it's not our wedding anniversary, not even close.

"Think about it for a while, and if you haven't figured it out in a week or so, I'll tell you." I replied with a small smile.

Since she didn't pick up on it right away, I've got this notion that she won't figure it out. Not today... Not in a week. I don't think she even thinks about it anymore.

It was one year ago today that my clitty was last in her pussy.

365 days ago. I have no doubt... No doubt at all that M doesn't think about my clitty being in her anymore. Not at all now that she has a man to satisfy her properly.

I've been remiss. Very remiss. And as I have said a couple of times, I apologize. My last "real" post was way back at the beginning of January when everything seemed to be going great.

Since then M has been with Allen seven times. It's so unfortunate that their schedules don't work out well. They text almost every day, but he lives about an hour away and between his work and M's work it gets challenging sometimes.

I WILL say that M and Allen are getting more and more comfortable with cuckolding me and spending their time together on their dates. When I'm between her legs licking her, she's much more open with me too - telling me how much he satisfies her. How much better it is when I make love with her like a gurl than it ever was when I pretended to be a man. How she only thinks of Allen when she thinks of "real" sex.

It was back in March, halfway through the month, that she came back from one of her dates with Allen and - with only a bit of prodding on my part - confessed that she had given him her ass for the first time. In stereotypical fashion, I was a bit jealous because that's someplace I've never been in all of our years together. Of course, given the size of my clitty, I think anal would be just a bit problematic if I had ever tried it. I asked her what she thought, and how she felt about it. M told me that she really enjoyed it and that Allen was very gentle that first time so she wasn't nervous at all. And yes, again in stereotypical cuckolding literature fashion, she's told both Allen and me that he will be the only one who will ever have her ass.

I'd have to say that Allen is getting more dominant with me even though I'm not physically present. In fact, I've now only been present at their dates twice. Once way back in November, and more recently in April of this year. M and Allen planned the April date all out in advance and seemed very comfortable with me being there. Allen was much more assertive with me than he was back in November. While he and M spent most of their time just playing with each other, he did get me involved twice during their date.

But oh, the involvement...

Not once, but twice during their date, Allen ordered me to suck his cock while he and M were laying on the bed kissing each other. Wearing only my clitty cage and my panties, I of course did exactly what he told me to do. And exactly as I remembered from the first time I sucked a man's cock, it was glorious! The whole world narrowed down to only one thing - the feeling of Allen's hard cock in my mouth. I'm not sure why this thought just came to my head as I write this, but I'm thinking of his cock as a large and immensely satisfying pacifier in my mouth. I felt utterly content and couldn't think about anything but how good it felt and how good it made me feel to have his cock in my mouth. I wanted to make him cum so badly... But before I could, he pushed me away and directed M to straddle him both times. I felt so denied when he did that!

But I've got this notion that every time I'm allowed to be there in the future, Allen's cock will be in my mouth at least once. I can A) Hardly wait, and B) Vow to all of you reading this that I will do everything I possibly can to get him to fill my sissy mouth with his cum.