Friday, November 3, 2017

I'll Be Out of Town...

On a different continent starting tomorrow, then on a different one again next week... I should be able to access my blog from the first location, but can almost guarantee that I won't be able to from the second... In that place they "frown" on people like me...

Thursday, November 2, 2017


I've done this once.

One time.

Only one time...

And it was the most intensely erotic and arousing thing I've ever done in my life.

Bar none.

When I look at this picture, I'm reminded a lot of James' cock. It's about the right size...

I think about it all the time now. What it felt like - holding a man's cock and feeling it slip between my lips. Feeling the heat emanating from him. Feeling his hardness and yet at the same time the softness of his skin.

I think about hearing the sounds he was making when I was sucking his cock. His moans of satisfaction and arousal as my hand held him and my head moved rhythmically up and down.

I remember that I didn't make a sound as I was sucking his cock. But I wanted to moan with pleasure as he was. While M watched me pleasure a man with my mouth.

I spent time licking his cock and enjoyed the sensation of my tongue on it. The explosion of emotion in me was incredible. Something that only a sissy - or a real girl - would know.

Last night, after I licked M to one of her more intense orgasms, we lay next to one another in bed. Our sexual arousal spent. My clitty was hard in its cage and was dripping furiously. We talked about how a real girl feels when she sucks a man's cock. We talked about what it makes a real girl feel like to feel a man's cock harden in her mouth. What she feels like when she hears him. What she feels like when she feels his hands on her head - guiding her as she's sucking his cock. What she feels like when his arousal peaks and he cums in her mouth. We talked about how submissive and feminine it makes a real girl feel - and at the same time how satisfied she feels.

And as we were talking, I kept thinking about sucking James' cock and how I felt all of those things - except for the cumming in her mouth part naturally. And I kept thinking about how damned good it made me feel and how I wanted to feel that feeling again... Over and over again... And how I wanted to feel his cock harden that last little bit just before it started spurting into my mouth.

It will happen. I know it will. My anticipation is through the roof as I await the day that it does.

I wonder sometimes if M is intentionally teasing me about it and is intentionally delaying the inevitable. Just to make me want it more... As if that were possible.

I look at Kaaren's blogs every day and especially love her Monday Mancandy posts. I see myself in them and look forward to the reality. I think about Leeanne's Mexico exploits and picture myself on my knees with a man's cock in my mouth as he and my wife watch me. I fantasize about it. I dream about it when I'm licking M's pussy with my clitty locked up...

I look forward to the day that I can tell you that "once" is no longer true.

Monday, October 30, 2017

My Skin is Not My Own

When I first started looking around the Internet and found that I wasn't alone in being a sissy, I was - needless to say - thrilled. But there was another aspect to it as well. There were (of course) tens of thousands of pictures of people like me doing things that were very stereotypically sissy-like. And of course I found these very arousing. They appealed to my submissive sissy side.

That lasted about three years until I "got my fill" of all of the sissy eye candy. Don't get me wrong - I love looking at pictures of sissies like myself doing things that are very sissy like. Most are certainly staged pictures, or the captions that accompany the pictures were added later for pictures that originally had nothing to to with being a sissy. But in my sissy mind, the captions still easily stretch to match the pictures. So I enjoy looking at them... A lot....

But as I said, I've moved beyond that to a place where I'm just comfortable being me. I think back to who I was BEFORE I acknowledged to myself that I was a sissy, and I now relate it to a line from the movie "Children of Dune" in which the protagonist says (several times) "My skin is not my own." Well, my skin was definitely NOT my own. Never way. Not until I was able to acknowledge who and what I really was. Then and only then did I feel "right" in my own mind. And I'm now much happier and less stressed because of it.

So what does this have to do with the pictures I mentioned in the first paragraph? A lot actually. I think those pictures depict an idealized, fantasy sissy lifestyle and not necessarily the one that many of us really live. I'd love to be able to do some of the things that I see in the pictures. I'd love to be able to dress like the sissies I see in the pictures. I'd love it if my beautiful wife M would treat me more like the sissy gurl I am in my own mind. I wish all of these things and more would happen all the time so I could be even more of a sissy gurl.

But at the same time, I live a very real life. I get up in the morning, have my coffee, get cleaned up, and go to work. At the end of the day, I take care of some chores around the house and (perhaps) relax a bit while reading. It sometimes happens that I read sissy-related or cuckold-related erotica, but more often you'll find me with my nose buried in a sci-fi book. And then when bedtime comes around, I go to bed and (often) just go to sleep because M is watching one of the mindless serial shows that she loves so much or has her own reading on her Kindle. It's easy to wear sissy things to bed, and I do so more often than not... Boring? Probably...

But at the same time, I know that I love M more than I can express. I love every second I spend between her legs licking her pussy. I know that she'll keep my clitty locked up because she only wants a MAN to penetrate her - not me. And I'm comfortable with the fact that MEN get to fuck my wife but I make love with her like a gurl - with my fingers and tongue. I'm comfortable with the fact that my wife keeps my clitty locked up in a steel cage because it makes me feel more like the sissy I am...

I can honestly say that since I acknowledged to M that I really AM a sissy - and not just a "fantasy sissy" - that our lives have changed a LOT. I think we spend more time talking about our feelings. I have no doubt that M is very concerned for my emotional well-being. We do little things for each other all the time that just say "I love you." I think I could say that we're trying very hard - and mostly successfully - to make each other happy. Maybe that's just because of where we are in our lives, but I think that it's also because my opening up about myself has eliminated one of the main causes of our relationship friction that existed before...

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Blast from the Past

On Friday, M told me that James had contacted her by eMail. Remember him? The man she first cuckolded me with?

She told me that he was in town and that he had been thinking about her. And that if their schedules aligned, that he would love to see her again.

On Saturday morning, I was doing some work around the house. M cam downstairs and told me that she was going to see James and that she was going to go to the grocery store. Now THERE's a combination for you! Very matter-of-fact in her tone...

M got herself all ready - her preparations were different than when she's seeing Allen... She put on some really sexy lingerie for James where (for Allen), she "goes commando" because that's the way he wants her.

What I found interesting was that there was no question of her going to see him. It was just something that she was going to do because she wanted to.

And of course, when she got back several hours later, she had a big smile on her face...

Monday, October 23, 2017

I Wish I Had More Matching Lingerie

Some call it "crossdressing."

I just call it "dressing."

It's hard finding bras that fit for those occasions when I'm not wearing my breast forms... So many of my bras don't exactly match the panties. I say I don't really mind, but deep inside I really want my bras to match my panties.

Like this...

I'd give anything to find some nice, pretty, matching sets of bras and panties...

But that brings up another point too - my problems would pretty much go away if I were a bit "better developed" on top. I think it would be a lot easier for me to find bras that I like. I've got some breast forms that I wear occasionally, but I don't really like them. Don't get me wrong, I love how they make me feel when I'm wearing them and look in the mirror, but I hate that when I wear them M has no easy access to my nipples - and believe me my nipples are very sensitive!

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Pleasing Her

M has used almost these exact words when talking to me on more than one occasion, especially since she started having sex with a real man.

And I'm quite comfortable when she DOES say them, because I know in my heart that they're true. In some mixed-up way, I actually take them as a compliment! An affirmation of my oral lovemaking skills. I still think about when I pretended to be a man and tried to make love with M the way a man would. M was never satisfied (but until I explicitly asked her about it she would never have admitted it), and I was always left feeling empty and depressed because I KNEW that I was failing as a man.

Fast forward to today...

When M tells me I please he when I make love with her as a sissy gurl, I'm THRILLED!

The submissive in me gets aroused when she teases me about only having sex with her when I'm locked up... That her lover is the only one allowed penetrative sex with her... That I am only allowed to lick her pussy... But the sissy gurl in me takes immense pleasure in the thought that when I DO lick her pussy I'll be giving her immense pleasure!

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

I've Always LOVED Skirted Panties

I have a lot of panties. In all styles and colors. Some are thongs. Some are bikinis. Some are red. Or purple. Or white. Some are crotchless. Or other colors and styles.

But the panties I love the most...

Hands down, no doubt, are my skirted panties. I absolutely LOVE them. Definitely my favorites.

While I love all my panties, and I truly love wearing them all the time, when I really want to feel special, I put on my skirted panties. It's amazing to me that such a simple thing as a little bit of extra material around my hips can make such a difference.

Sexy. Naughty, Adventurous. The emotional state they evoke within me is incredible!

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Sometimes I Go An Entire Day

Without wearing my clitty cage.

When that happens, it always feels like something important is missing.

I feel out of sorts...

M sometimes teases me about how I look. Not all the time, and definitely not in a cruel way, just talking to me in a matter-of-fact way. And when I look down, this is what I see...

But then she gets me back into my cage and everything is right in the world again...

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

M Turns to a New Page

After including me in her tryst with James in February, the timing just never seemed to work out again. M met with him a couple more times over the next month while I was out of the country, but during my short stays at home between trips their schedules never seemed to work. It was painful for M, but late in March they came to the mutual conclusion that it just wasn't going to work out because of their weird work schedules. Frankly, she wanted to have sex with him a lot more than he was going to be available.

Too bad... James had a really nice cock and I loved feeling it in my mouth!

But even as they decided to break off their relationship, M immediately started looking for his replacement. It was a certainty that I wasn't getting it done... At least as a MAN! Making love with her like a gurl, and orally though?


Around the middle of April, I was out of the country (again) when M sent me a note telling me that she thought she had found a suitable replacement for James. She reached out to "Allen" via eMail and they set up a safe, lunchtime date for when I was back in town. While their lunch date was vanilla enough, M shared with me that Allen seemed a bit nervous at first - to the point that at the end of t\heir lunch he accidentally dumped a glass of water in his lap!




I'm sure it was because he wanted to hide another potential embarrassment (at least I'd like to THINK that's what the reason was).

I was only home for a short while before I had to go back overseas for a couple of weeks. Right after I left, M met Allen again for a nice, quiet breakfast at one of the chain breakfast places. She sent me an eMail right after that to tell me that she thought Allen would work out just fine. In her note, she also told me that she was certain that she wanted him as her lover and that he was definitely more dominant than James - something that she said made her very wet! She also told me that she told him about keeping my clitty locked up and that I wore panties and other women's lingerie... And that they jokingly talked about having HIM keep the key to my clitty cage! Given how much I travel internationally, that probably wouldn't work well, but the idea that they talked about it was a first! Right before I left my overseas work location to come home, M sent me another eMail in which she told me he texted her and told her to tell me that the next time they met, "he would have her." Ohhhhhh. My clitty got hard when I read that!

And props to Leeanne... Major, major props to Leeanne... It was very obvious that M had read all of Leeanne's blog! In her eMail, M told me that "I think I may have found my QB." And in the context of her note, it was very, very obvious that the thought excited her. I was obviously very happy that M had found James' replacement and thought that Allen would work out great, given everything M had shared with me. As I was getting ready to head home, M shared with me that Allen texted her every day and that they had set up their first real date for right after I got back.

Timewise, we were now up to the last half of May and I finally got home again. M had her first real date with Allen in late May and came home afterwards...

The words "GLOWING with satisfaction!" aren't strong enough.

M couldn't wait to tell me all about what they did while I was between her legs licking her pussy. She was giddy with her satisfaction... She told me that while Allen wasn't quite as big as James, he was more than adequate and (obviously) much better than I ever was. While James was more of a "one and done" kind of guy (maybe that's why M never wanted me to suck him to completion?) Allen was more than capable of "multiples" which raised her satisfaction level to all new heights. She also told me that he had incredible stamina, which was why she was completely worn out - understandable when she recounted that their combined time with his cock in her pussy exceeded 2 hours! As for me? My stamina was never measured in more than a couple (meaning two) minutes...

Sunday, October 8, 2017

Yes, Real Life Does Get In The Way...

Three weeks ago, one of my sons (older, still living at home in the basement) told me that there was a water leak somewhere in the basement... Oh joy!

Mopped up the water, took down some wallboard, and figured out that the leak was actually coming from the second floor bathroom, draining down the wet wall into the basement past the kitchen on the first floor.

Now I've known for some time that the second floor bathroom in our 1970's house would need to be remodeled - it's been on my project list for a long time. Well... This was the "motivation" I needed to finally get it done.

The past couple weeks have been spent with the demo. From the sheetrock on the ceiling to the subfloor. Everything came out. The sheetrock because it wasn't the new moisture-resistant stuff that's out there, and the subfloor because it's half-inch plywood instead of the new, three-quarter stuff and is not as rigid as it should be. All the fixtures, everything - down to bare studs and joists - came out. The tub was the original cast-iron thing... About 400 pounds. Good thing you can shatter cast iron with a large enough sledge hammer! Only way to get it out. Also filled a lot of bags with the old tile flooring (installed over almost an inch of mortar)... Also very heavy.

This weekend started the rebuild in earnest. New subfloor went in, with cementboard over the new plywood. Some copper pipe repairs and some electrical repairs at the same time. New bathtub fixtures. The new tub (baked enamel over steel) went in yesterday... The new ceiling went in yesterday, and the moisture-resistant wallboard should go in today if everything works out OK...

A LOT of manual labor all weekend and in the evenings after work. Complete exhaustion. So one might ask "Hey knucklehead, why don't you have a home remodeling contractor come in to do the work instead of doing it yourself?" The answer is twofold, and short. One: Cost. Two: I really enjoy home remodeling. But I DO have to get it done as fast as I can because we really NEED that bathroom to be functional!

I guess my point in posting this is to point out that (like everyone who has a blog like mine) real life DOES intrude. Doing what I've been doing for the past few weeks is about as un-sissylike as it could be. But it doesn't change who I am. Not a whit!

But through it all... About every five minutes, my mind would wander and images like these would make their way from my subconscious into my forebrain. Ahhhhh.

It's hard to even THINK about wearing the things I want to wear when I'm wearing dirty, sweaty jeans and a sweaty t-shirt and covered in sawdust.

I wanted this SO MUCH...

The look that I've never seen - unless I was watching James give her the kind of pleasure I never could...

Yes, we have. Yes, she did. And it feels phenomenal!