Our Maturing Sissy Relationship

The last couple of years have been challenging for me work-wise. I've been traveling internationally a lot more than I'd like in support of a really stressful project. Through it all I've made a very conscious effort to talk with my wife every single day - whether I was in country or out. I think my daily calls with her when I was traveling helped me keep my sanity in a chaotic world. It has been especially challenging because my travels take me to places in the world where being a sissy could get me a long prison sentence or even a death sentence. Talk about stress inducing. Whenever I was home, we'd continue our nightly discussions, and - more often than not - our Gurl-girl lovemaking. This brought me an inner peace and helped me feel safe. Reflecting back on some of my earlier posts in this blog, I think it has gotten easier for me to tell my story. Where it would have probably been uncomfortable for me to say something like "gurl-girl" lovemaking a month ago to an online audience, it doesn't now. That too makes me feel good. I think I'm enjoying the catharsis of "coming out of the closet" - even in the anonymity of a blog like this.

I mentioned in an earlier post how anally retentive I am - how I keep track of everything. I guess one could say I'm an electronic packrat. I wonder if there's an intervention for that?... In 2015, I was locked up (or unlocked but chaste) about 85 percent of the time and experienced a total of 35 orgasms, but only 12 were through traditional sex. In 2016, I was locked up or chaste over 90 percent of the time, and the number of orgasms I experienced continued to decrease - a total of 30 orgasms and 9 through traditional sex. But what's noteworthy about 2016 was that my last traditional sex orgasm was on October 11 - a trend that continued well into this year! The number of orgasms my wife enjoyed, on the other hand, went up significantly! And I reveled in the thought that she was finally getting the pleasure she deserved. My enjoyment, on the other hand, has shifted from what it was to ensuring SHE did.

Our nighttime fantasy discussions about her making love with (another) man continued, and - if anything - got more graphic and detailed. Notice that the word "another" is in parentheses. That's intentional. During this period, it became very apparent that my wife stopped thinking of me as a man and really began thinking of me as a sissy gurl. So perhaps the sentence should have read "Our nighttime fantasy discussions about her making love WITH A MAN continued..."

We got to a point where I no longer "cross-dressed," I just "dressed." We got to a point where she wouldn't think anything at all of calling me "sissy gurl" or even just "Lauren" when talking to me at night. I'd routinely send her cuckold-themed pictures, and I also searched for, and sent links to sissy-themed and cuckold-themed books on Amazon. Slowly, oh so slowly, she came to understand that she shouldn't feel guilty for "having those thoughts," especially given a sissy husband who actively encouraged them. This was a big deal for her given her somewhat strict religious upbringing. She loved me. I loved her. No doubt about it. She had one sexual partner before me. I had one sexual partner before her. I never pleased her as a man, so I did everything I could to get her over the mental hurdle of A) seeing me not as a man (which was true anyhow but she would sometimes cling to that memory), and B) seeing herself WITH a man. She was so incredibly afraid of hurting me - realizing without saying it that once the bell has been rung it can never be "un-rung." We talked about this and I encouraged her for months, emphasizing over and over again how much I loved her and how much I wanted to see her get all of her needs fulfilled. With her acknowledgement of my sissyhood, she was already fulfilling mine!

During this time I was also actively reading a number of other sissy-related blogs and saw so much of myself in them, at least in the ones I read regularly. I sent her links to these as well, and encouraged her to read them. I know she did because she'd sometimes bring up topics for us to talk about that came from those blogs. And when she did, we'd talk about other sissies, their relationships with their wives, and the challenges they encountered. Each time we did, it got easier for her to talk about cuckolding me. To talk about "being with a man not her husband."

And I was so happy...

Early in 2016, our cuckolding discussions rose to a new level when she told me that she was actively looking for a MAN... A MAN to be her lover... To say I was thrilled would be an incredible understatement! I redoubled all of my efforts to please her as her sissy gurl and was often rewarded by her orgasms brought about by my oral ministrations. I was incredibly distraught (as was she) when her first potential suitor didn't work out. Fortunately they never got to the point where they met, and I'm glad they didn't. Through all of her / our correspondence with him, it just didn't feel "right." Somehow I got the impression that he was a troll - a lot of words, a lot of fluff, but no substance. This put her search on hold for a while because she got a bit depressed about it and her self-image suffered a bit, but I kept encouraging her to not give up.

And while all of this was going on, I continued my project-related international travel. And upon my return home after every trip it always - without fail - felt so good to get into what were, by that time, my "normal" clothes... (Big smile here) - I remember my wife once saying to me: "I get home from work and the first thing I want to do is to take off my bra... YOU get home from work and the first thing YOU want to do is to put ON your bra..." How true! That AAAHHHHH feeling!

And late in 2016, everything changed...

For the better...